Advice please?

andy

Okay, I had a stressful pregnancy (Not related to baby, but related to family issues at the time), was constantly worried that the stress being inflicted on me was going to cause my baby sever problems, or even miscarry.
My labour was 36 hours and ended up in theater being prep'd for a c-section, but finished with my son being born with ventouse assistance and a huge episiotomy for me.
After Oliver was born, I had so many problems breastfeeding, I HATED IT. I didnt bond with him, and I had/have horrible PND that made me so suicidal that I wouldnt even drive the car unless I had Oliver with me, because I was scared that I would drive myself off the road, and the rational part of my brain told me that I could NOT leave my husband and son alone.
I just cant imagine going thru any of this again, but especially the post natal part. I'm just starting to really ENJOY my son, he's nearly 1 and so interactive, he sleeps thru the night, he is mobile. I love this age, I cant think about going back to the baby stage again.
However, I know that my hubby is clucky and would really LOVE to have another baby. He says it doesnt matter,I but I know it does.
I guess what I am asking is, should I have another baby? Am I being selfish only wanting to have one? Will it eventually tear us apart if I dont, even though he says it doesnt matter and he is happy with one child? Will it tear us apart if I have another baby and feel the same way again..?



Mischief

You've had such a tough time, no-one can blame you for feeling the way you do.  You have to be ready to have another baby, don't force yourself to have one because you feel it's quot;about timequot; or because your husband feels ready.  You have to carry the baby, you have to birth it, you have to feed it and you have to look after it.

It's not selfish to want one.  You have to look at what you can cope with.  Waiting awhile won't be bad for you, or Oliver, or your husband.  I presume you're getting help for your PND, so maybe you just need time.   Be kind to yourself, and forgive yourself for feeling this way.  It's not unreasonable and you're not a bad or selfish mother for wanting to give all your love to one baby.

You're doing a wonderful job coping at the moment - don't rush yourself.

Yep i agree with Hazellew just take your time, Oliver is only a year old so i wouldnt stress just yet !

It took me some time to be ready amp; even when i did fall pg i freaked out. The best thing i did was start counselling with an independant midwife about Boof's birth she has helped me greatly. I also just finally saw an Ob who went through Boof's birth records with me amp; honestly it all has me on cloud nine !

I was having panic attacks amp; was actually starting to hate this baby. I didnt want to birth again let alone be pg again because i have hyperemesis again. Doing the counselling amp; de-briefing has been great. I dont feel so anxious anymore. I now know what happened amp; why so i am confident amp; comfortable going into this birth.

I would suggest trying to get some counselling ... I know im a broken record but it does really help. That way in time you can come to a decision about what you really want to do in regards to having more bubbas   

Take care hun

*bump*

Just wanted to bump your post Mischief, because I know there's many bubhubbers who will have some words of wisdom for you!

mischief mischief mischief. it has been a long time. hunny, it is your body, your feelings. your decision. i was terrified of having another one after marius. but i have decided to try. have you thought about going to see a naturopath? they are brilliant. i went and saw one after marius was born. PND was gone in like 6 wks. there is not a lot that can be said here. it ultimately is your decision.

i hope you can get the help and support you need.
and i highly reccomend finding a good naturopath.

xxoo

we are always here for you missy.



Definitely take your time!  I had an easy pregnancy and three hour labour with my first baby and I still wasn't ready for another baby until she was over two years old.  When and if the time is right, you'll know it.